USDA Meat Inspector Caught Inspecting Meat Outside Of Work

Meat Recall For Cancerous Meat Expands To Co-Owner Of Slaughterhouse

This one is a doozy. It seems that the co-owner of the Rancho Feeding Corporation slaughterhouse, which was already involved in a nine-million pound meat recall, is now thought to be primarily responsible for purchasing cattle and okaying the “adulterated, misbranded, and un-inspected” meat for sale. Robert Singleton and Jesse Amaral are now both charged with conspiring to cover up the fact that their meat was tainted.

Of course, this happens every single day, and I have no doubt that half the meat we eat in this country has been dropped on the floor and cut from rotting carcasses, but that’s really not the most shocking part of this story. It’s how they covered it up that’s the real filet mignon here. The workers in the factory used cancerous cows and trimmed off the diseased parts, gave the cows a fake stamp of approval, and switched diseased cow heads with healthy ones. Now, I’m not a rancher, nor do I know anything about slaughtering cows, but it seems to me that if you have to replace the head of a cow that’s already dead, then there might be a problem somewhere up the line. Didn’t anyone notice that the read meat was brown and overgrown?

There are so many things wrong with this I don’t even know where to begin. Unfortunately, the only thing I can think of is where did they get the healthy cow heads? Did this slaughterhouse actually plan ahead and save the best looking cow heads to staple onto the diseased bodies? Just exactly how many cow heads can be saved without raising suspicions? It also begs the question of how they passed this off to the bulk of the workers. I’m sure there were a few bad apples, but I doubt they were all in on the scam. What happened when one of the lowly butchers asked why Bessie’s head looks like it was badly photoshopped on, but for real?

“Gee, boss, that just doesn’t look right. I ain’t never seen no cow with udders and horns.”

“If you wanna get paid Travis, you’ll keep your mouth shut. Remember, you got payments to make on that new doublewide.”

Now, controlling the workers in the factory that you own is one thing, they want to keep their job so they look the other way when cow heads start flying like it’s a laughing cow convention. The U.S. government, on the other hand, is much harder to fool! Right Rancho Feeding Corporation?

What? You did fool the inspector? Man, you must have gotten him laid. Oh it’s a she? And you DID get her laid??

In a twist worthy of Redneck Shakespeare (Willie Shakes), the government inspector assigned to the plant overlooked the nine million pounds of diseases beef because she was too busy gettin’ some from the plant workers. The USDA inspector assigned to the slaughterhouse was having a torrid affair with a plant foreman. USDA employee Lynette Thompson was more concerned with getting screwed then worrying about Rancho screwing us. Take a moment to view the video here, though, because you will see a picture of Lynette. She definitely has a certain look about her, and I can only imagine how the conversation went in the plant the day before inspection.

“John! Get over here!”

“Yes, boss?”

“We ran out of non-rancid cow heads, you’re going to have to entertain Lynette again. I don’t care what you do but keep her outta here.”

“Ah boss, come on, can’t Dennis do it? Last time she made me wear a cowboy hat and call her Buffalo Bill. I still have nightmares….”

“Sure, John. After all, we always need someone to dig the good meat out of the rancid cow heads.”

“Fine, boss, I’ll do it, but I’m not wearing the chaps this time. I still have welts on my ass from the riding crop.”

kissmeatThe documents show that the plant foreman and Ms. Lynette Thompson met “in her trailer” at least “three times,” and that she sent him texts like “I need a kiss later.” If that’s not a conflict of interests then I don’t know what is. The lawyer of one of the owners claims that the affair had nothing to do with the meat recall, but documents admit that before Lynette was being satisfied in her mobile home, she complained about Rancho’s use of cancer cows on a regular basis. Once she was getting some grade-a man meat, though, she didn’t much care about the grade-f meat the rest of us were being served.

The USDA has come out and said that they have strict rules forbidding relationships between inspectors and plan employees, and that Lynette knowingly broke the rules. To me, the most amazing part of that entire statement is that this is such a common occurrence that the USDA had to make a rule against it!! This must mean that there was a time when multiple inspectors were fucking the US meat supply by, quite literally, fucking the US meat supply.

On a serious note, the USDA has said before that they do not have the manpower to efficiently check all the meat that is hitting stores. Still, though, you’d think that the inspectors we do have could keep it in their pants long enough to make sure that the public wasn’t being sold rancid, diseased, meat. Apparently, though, our USDA meat inspectors are too busy inspecting meat to inspect meat. I have to stop now, the jokes have begun to write themselves.

More to come.. DM